Articles Posted in Legal Humor

From a local CBS news Miami affiliate, a naked Floridian was arrested for burglary after he broke into a local home, defecated in the house and proceeded to go on a rampage…

Greg Bruni, 21 and naked was arrested near Fort Myers, Florida after local homeowners called the police. It appears that while the owners were at home, they heard a noise coming from their roof. When they went outside to investigate, they received the shock of their lives!

The suspect jumped naked from the roof into the man, knocking him into the ground. Mr. Bruni then rushed inside the house uninvited into the house and proceeded to commit a criminal mischief by tearing a television off the wall.

The knocked down victim yelled at his wife to grab their gun. The suspect ignored three shots being fired at him (all misses) and continued to rampage inside the house. The suspect then allegedly began to masturbate on the living room floor and continued his crime spree by repeatedly defecating throughout the house. Even more disturbingly, the Defendant ran into a child’s room, and committed battery on the child by rubbing his body on the minor’s clothing while it was being worn.

Police were, of course, called out where they found the suspect falling on the ground and speaking gibberish. They had to tase him multiple times to subdue him in order to make an arrest. He was taken to a nearby hospital where a full series of tests were done in order to determine if he was suffering from a mental defect and/or an illegal drug reaction.
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The Legal Aftermath?

What are the possible legal ramifications for the defendant? What are some realistic defenses? As a pinellas criminal defense lawyer, believe it or not, we have dealt with similar situations in the past through our practice!

The most serious charge this man is facing is a potential first degree felony, punishable by life! That charge is a burglary of an occupied dwelling, Florida statute 810.02(3). The statute reads in part as follows:

(b) For offenses committed after July 1, 2001, “burglary” means:
1. Entering a dwelling, a structure, or a conveyance with the intent to commit an offense therein, unless the premises are at the time open to the public or the defendant is licensed or invited to enter; or 2. Notwithstanding a licensed or invited entry, remaining in a dwelling, structure, or conveyance:
a. Surreptitiously, with the intent to commit an offense therein;
b. After permission to remain therein has been withdrawn, with the intent to commit an offense therein; or c. To commit or attempt to commit a forcible felony, as defined in s. 776.08.
(2) Burglary is a felony of the first degree, punishable by imprisonment for a term of years not exceeding life imprisonment or as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084, if, in the course of committing the offense, the offender:
(a) Makes an assault or battery upon any person; or (b) Is or becomes armed within the dwelling, structure, or conveyance, with explosives or a dangerous weapon

In this case, the man clearly entered into an occupied residence and committed multiple crimes (battery, criminal mischief, assault, etc). Even if the suspect was only charged with this one count, under the Florida criminal justice system, he would be scoring mandatory prison up to life, even if he has no prior crimes!

What are some possible defenses? While there are plenty, the most obvious one seems to be competence or mental problems that the Defendant may have that would leave him unable to understand the crime or understand what occurred.

In Pinellas county, when a suspect is considered possibly incompetent, the Court will order a mental evaluation (usually done by the experienced Dr. Jill Poorman). There is a series of tests and questions the suspect must answer. The purpose of these tests are to determine if the suspect is competent to stand trial. The next blog will go more into Florida statute 916.12 and what the state of Florida’s competentence standards.
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Like the lawsuits against big tobacco in the 1980s and following in the footsteps of a nearby Indian reservation, five inmates in the Idaho Department of Corrections are suing major beer companies. Why? They are blaming their legal troubles on alcoholism and claiming they were not warned about the dangers of drinking…

According to the Idaho Statesman, the five Idaho inmates filed the lawsuit without a lawyer. It names a total of eight defendants including Coors, Miller brewing and Jim Bean.

The inmates, Keith Brown and co-plaintiffs Jeremy Joseph Brown, Woodrow John Grant Cory Alan Baugh, and Steven Todd Thompson also wrote affidavits explaining how alcohol has affected their lives.

Keith Brown, after fleeing to Florida, was found and later convicted of voluntary manslaughter. He has spent nearly 30 years behind bars. In his affidavit, Mr. Brown claims that he spent all this time in prison because of alcohol and people being intoxicated. He continued, “At no time in my life, prior to me becoming an alcoholic, was I ever informed that alcohol was habit forming and addictive.”

Another potential Plaintiff, 34 year-old Jeremy Brown is currently serving 20-30 years for aggravated battery against a man in 2001. He claims he was drunk at the time and if it wasn’t for that fact, he never would have shot the man. He too is claiming he had no idea that alcohol is potentially habit forming!

Mr. Baugh is serving 7-10 years for a grand theft and drug convictions. Mr. Grant is serving time for aggravated battery and drug charges. 44 year-old Mr. Thompson is serving three more years of prison for grand theft and multiple drug charges. They all say the same thing: because of alcohol, they fear that they cannot be productive members of society and so want someone to blame…What are the legal odds of this case being a winner? As a Pinellas county law firm that specializes is criminal defense and personal injury, this case looks like it is going nowhere fast. Unlike the infamous McDonald’s hot coffee case there should be no surprises even if this case gets to a jury. Alcohol consumption and it’s possible side affects have been widly known for hundreds of years. Unlike “Big Tobacco”, there is no evidence that alcohol companies have purposely tried to hide their dangers.

Finally, this case should put off a large percentage of any jurors. It looks like these men are not taking responsibility for their actions, rather they look like they are just after a quick payday!
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A humorous bit first seen in the Tampa Times website…

A Pinellas county man told police he needed help with a “domestic situation”. The police rushed over expecting to find a domestic battery, instead they found a man wanting a beer!

Pinellas deputies received a 911 call late Thursday night from a 56 year old Seminole man detailing the above situation. The man claimed his daughter was hitting him and using drugs. When they arrived to the home, they found the man was intoxicated and his story quickly unraveled.

The man’s daughter said the Defendant called the police when she wouldn’t buy him a beer. When she produced audio recordings of the Defendant threatening to make fake statements to the police about her the police had heard enough. The man was arrested for making a false report of a crime and was sent to Pinellas county jail. It looks like he better cut back on the beer and save his money for a defense attorney!
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Like a bad episode of “Doogie Howser, M.D.” except in this case the teenager was NOT a doctor. Per an article on CNN, this pint-sized wanna be medical man may soon be in a world of trouble…

Matthew Scheidt, 18, is currently on trial in Florida on four counts of practicing medicine without a license and two counts of impersonating a physician assistant during time he spent at the Osceola Regional Medical Center. He is accused of getting a medical badge through a clerical error and working “rounds” as a doctor, going so far as giving CPR to a suspected drug overdose victim.

His defense? The hospital was to blame for giving him an badge identifying him as a doctor! The suspect claimed that he went to the hospital to get a badge to work as a clerk at a doctor’s office across the street. Due to a clerical error, he was given a badge identifying him as a physician assistant. During an interview, the suspect did not sound remorseful.

“Their error was putting me in apparently as a physician assistant into their computer,” Scheidt told investigators. “Let’s even say that I said I was a physician assistant. Let’s even say that I was. Are you that stupid that you are just going to put me in the system as that, without any credentials or any paperwork or nothing?”

The State attorneys prosecting the case claims that the suspect used the incorrect badge to spend weeks working in the hospital, helping to conduct medical exams and changing bandages.

Despite an alleged full confession and a mountain of evidence against him, he has pled “not guilty” and has maintained his innocence. One thing that may not help him? Just a few months after bonding out on these charges, he was arrested and put back in jail for a new count of impersonating a police officer! Forget “Doogie Howser”, this is sounding more like a bad version of the ’80s classic, “The Secret of My Sucess“…
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A humorous story posted in the Tampa Bay Times website about a jail visitor. This man was visiting his incarcerated wife over video when he decided the video visitation should be a XXX one. The man, 46, was arrested for exposing his sexual organs, a misdemeanor. This carefree husband was booked into Pinellas county jail…the same place where this exposure took place.

While this story is humorous, it brings up a broader point. What rights do visitors have in jail? That depends on if the visitor is a loved one or if he/she is the accused’s criminal defense lawyer. As a Pinellas criminal defense attorney, we are able to speak with our incarcerated clients face-to-face. Because of the attorney-client privilege, the meetings we have with clients or prospective clients can NOT be revealed, taped or recorded to ANYONE without the client’s permission. This means when we are visiting a client who is locked up, we have special areas where there is no sound or video recordings and the guards can not listen in to our conversation. This protects both the client and the legal process.

Lastly, this article is another reminder of what else NOT to do if one is incarcerated. While exposing your sexual organs is never a good idea when in jail, one must be careful to not expose any information on their case to cellmates. The jail can be a lonely place and it is common to reach out to other people locked up with you. However, if one starts giving information about their charges, these same “friends” may quickly flip on you. These “informants” may testify against you in your criminal case, hoping that their testimony may convince the state to depart from their guideline sentence. The thinking is, if an informant helps the state put away a criminal on a big crime (such as murder or a sexual assault), then the state may agree to reduce the informant’s sentence.

With that in mind, a friendly reminder that if one is ever so unfortunate as to be a “guest” in the local county jail, keep your pants up and your mouth shut!
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