Legal Humor

July 14, 2011

POLK COUNTY: No More Free Underwear for Male Inmates

As reported by BayNews9, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd is at it again.

In another “cost-cutting” measure, the Polk County Jail will no longer provide free underwear to its inmates.Normally, when an inmate is booked in the jail, they are given an orange shirt, orange pants and underwear.

In order to save money, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd has proposed making males inmates pay if they want their “tighty whities.”

The cost-saving measure was part of the sheriff’s 2011-2012 budget he presented to county commissioners Thursday afternoon. Judd said it will save the county $45,000.

Although women behind bars will still be provided underwear, the men will have to pay.

“For those who don’t want to pay, they can let the breeze blow up one leg and out the other,” Judd said (in classic Grady Judd fashion).

The idea drew smiles from several county commissioners and laughter from the crowd.

“You and I buy it at the store. So, if they want it, they can buy it,” he said. Judd said they are also cutting eleven (11) positions, including six (6) supervisors.

Judd says while his department is doing more with less, his highest priority remains keeping the people of Polk County safe.

Judd said the new policy will not cause the quality of service from the department to go down.

“None of these cuts will keep us from answering the call,” Judd said.

FYI — As for the underwear, it’s about $2.50 for briefs and $4.50 for boxers. The choice is up to the inmates.

“We give our inmates choices at our jail,” he said.

The new underwear rule will breeze into effect Aug. 1st.
Continue reading

May 3, 2011

LAS VEGAS: Rapper Flavor Flav Arrested on Outstanding Traffic Warrants

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

Flavor Flav — real name William Jonathan Drayton Jr. — was arrested in Las Vegas last Friday after a routine traffic stop resulted in police officers finding four (4) warrants out for his arrest. The rapper took to Twitter on Monday to tell his side of the story.Drayton was pulled over by police at 10:57 p.m. Friday for a routine Traffic Violation east of the Las Vegas Strip. When an officer ran his name through the system, the warrants came up; he was arrested and taken to jail, where he was booked, got his mug shot taken and was eventually released, TMZ reported.

The 52-year-old Public Enemy alum’s four (4) separate misdemeanor traffic warrants include driving without proof of insurance, a parking violation and two (2) cases of driving without a license.It was unclear when the warrants were issued, the Las Vegas Sun reported. But in 2002, Drayton served nine (9) weeks at Rikers Island Jail in New York for various auto-related violations including Driving with a Suspended License (DWLSR), numerous parking tickets and being late for meetings with his probation officer.

The VH1 reality television star known for wearing quirky sunglasses and a clock around his neck aired his version of events online Monday, tweeting that he was on his way home from Benihana’s when he was pulled over.

April 19, 2011

DESTIN: Textalyzer App Created to Cut Down on Drunk, Late-Night, Texting

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

After a few nights of regrets and “I wish I hadn’t sent that” thoughts, Samantha Deeter came up with the ultimate idea for an iPhone application: Textalyzer.

According to a recent online story at NWFDailyNews.com, Deeter created this new iPhone application to prevent her from sending drunk text messages (that she later regrets the next day).”This is to prevent people from doing the ultimate no-no,” said Deeter, a Destin resident.

“I was briefly single and would run around from time to time bar hopping after work and would always tell people, ‘I wish there was a Breathalyzer for phones.’ That’s when I got the idea.”

Deeter said she emailed a company that develops apps and an hour later was on the phone making the idea a reality. She said the company liked the idea so much they decided to partner with her.

Textalyzer starts by having the user make a “forbidden list,” which consists of phone contacts that are the likely targets of drunken texts. If a contact on the list is selected, the user has to go through a series of games to send a text.

If the user does not pass the four (4) games, the text doesn’t get sent. Twelve (12) hours later, the user will be asked if they still wish to send the message.The user can also leave reminders about why texting certain individuals is a bad idea.

The application went on sale Monday on iTunes. Deeter said if the 99-cent application does well with iPhone users, she will develop a program for the Droid.

“It was crazy when the app was complete, seeing all my ideas,” Deeter said. “So far, I haven’t gotten any negative feedback. People seem to like the app.”

For more information, go to www.textalyzerapp.com, or go to Facebook.com or Twitter.com to learn more.

“If you’re single, drink and have an ex, (then) you need this app,” Deeter said.
Continue reading

March 25, 2011

SOUTH FLORIDA: Online Adult Entertainment Site Goes After 58 “John Does” in South Florida

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

According to a recent online story in the Bizarre Florida section of the St. Pete Times, a California adult entertainment company is about to make some south Florida husbands pretty upset with Federal lawsuits seeking up to $150,000 in damages (each) for copyright infringement.

As initially reported in the south Florida Sun Sentinel, married men who illegally downloaded the movies “Bootylicious Girls” and “Brazilian Babes” may have a really awkward conversation coming with their wife and/or girlfriend.

Adult entertainment company Elegant Angel filed a series of Federal lawsuits last week against 58 “John Does” in South Florida who allegedly pirated its movies. Elegant Angel, based in Canoga Park, California, has the Internet addresses of the computers used to illegally download the movies and wants Judges to allow it to subpoena the computer owners’ names through their Internet service providers (ISP’s).”I firmly believe that everyone has the right to protect their intellectual property,” said M. Keith Lipscomb, one of the Miami attorneys for Elegant Angel. “Right now, the adult entertainment industry is being tremendously damaged by the infringement of its copyrights over the Internet.”The adult entertainment industry has become more aggressive within the last year in pursuing copyright cases. In many instances, film companies have filed lawsuits against dozens–even hundreds–of “John Does” at a time, accusing them of downloading videos using BitTorrent, a file-sharing
program. Continue reading

February 19, 2011

OAKLAND PARK: Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting a Dog!! WTF?

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

BEWARE: This story, reported in the south Florida Sun-Sentinal is bizarre and twisted and may be inappropriate for those that love animals. OK. You’ve been warned.

A 40-year-old man has been arrested on a charge of Sexually Assaulting his roommate’s dog in Oakland Park, Florida according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office.

Tomas Bautista, of Oakland Park, was taken into custody Thursday evening, on one (1) count of Animal Cruelty, a Third-Degree Felony, said sheriff’s spokeswoman Dani Moschella. However, as I learned when handling another disturbing man-on-dog sexual abuse case (while at the Pinellas County State Attorney’s Office) Florida is one of about a dozen states with no law specifically banning sex with animals.

The 3-year-old female Chihuahua mix, named Mimi, is recovering, said her owner, Clemente Velasquez, 67, on Friday afternoon. After being treated by a veterinarian, “she is now just lying down on the sofa,” Velasquez said. “She’s not happy like she normally is.”According to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office, Velasquez, who is Bautista’s roommate, arrived home Thursday and found Bautista drunk. He told him to go to bed, but Bautista instead went to the backyard. Mimi (the dog) followed him outside.

Soon after, Velasquez heard Mimi yelp, so he grabbed a flashlight and ran outside. He saw his dog running from Bautista and found Bautista passed out with his pants down.

Mimi was bleeding, so Velasquez notified authorities and took her to the Coral Springs Animal Hospital.On Friday afternoon, Bautista was in Broward’s main jail on $2,500 bond.

Hopefully, if no one has done so yet, this story will be posted on www.pet-abuse.com
Continue reading

January 28, 2011

PINELLAS PARK: Did Pam Bondi Throw out the Baby with the Bath Salts?

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

According to a recent story on BayNews9.com, “bath salts” sold in specialty and tobacco shops are being pulled off the shelves after an emergency order was issued on Wednesday making the product illegal.

“Our kids can overdose on this,” Attorney General Pam Bondi said.Bondi compared the product to other illegal drugs.

“We want to have it made a Schedule I drug,” she said. “So to put it in perspective, that’s right up there with Cocaine and Heroin.”

However, Rockin Cards and Gifts owner Randy Heine said the government is being “hypocritical” and “overreacting.”

“Based on nothing, on hearsay,” he said. “When you read the Order it’s kids could, may, can…there’s no documented evidence of anybody dying from these products. She needs to prove it. She needs to lay her cards on the table and show us people who got sick and died off this.”

Health experts say a synthetic chemical chemical in the “bath salts” known as MDVP can cause reactions from rapid heart beats to psychotic behavior.Bay County Sheriff Frank McKeithen wrote a letter to the Attorney General’s office expressing his concern about the substance and problems it could cause during spring break.

The emergency order making substances containing MDVP illegal will last until the legislature is in session. Bondi hopes lawmakers will make the ban permanent.

Heine has cleared all of the “bath salts” off of his shelves.

“If you like the product or not, it doesn’t matter,” he said. “They’re taking away your personal freedoms.”

For more information on this topic, please check out this online story entitled: “More People Snorting ‘Bath Salts’ to Get Cocaine-Like High.”
Continue reading

January 16, 2011

ST. PETE: Woman Arrested for Battery on a Police Horse

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

According to a story on BayNews9.com, the St. Petersburg Police Deaprtment (SPPD) arrested a woman who they said slapped a police horse on the nose early Saturday morning.

According to reports, the police officer was trying to control crowds in the 100 block of First Avenue North in downtown St. Petersburg, at about 3:00 a.m., when Stephanie Six, 29, slapped the horse.Police said Six also “pushed off against the horse with her other hand.”

After she was released from the Pinellas Couny Jail Sunday, Six called in to Bay News 9 to tell her side of the story.

Six said her and a group of friends were leaving Durty Nelly’s in downtown St. Petersburg when a police officer told them to leave.

According to Six, she didn’t understand why and continued to wait for one of her friends (who was in an altercation and later tased) which is when the two officers came in on their horses.

“A horse was literally right in my face all of a sudden, so I put my hand up into his face as a reaction,” she said. “They’re saying I slapped this horse when that’s not the case. I was basically getting it out of my face. I just moved his face out of my face, I did not hit him.”Six was arrested and charged with Battery on a Police Horse, a First Degree Misdemeanor in the State of Florida.
Continue reading

January 11, 2011

NEBRASKA: Jury Finds Man Dressed as a Breathalyzer, for Halloween, Guilty of DUI

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

As many of our regular readers already know, attorney Nicholas J. Dorsten, of the Clearwater-based Blake & Dorsten, P.A., searches the web for interesting (and sometimes humorous) legal stories for his Tampa Bay Criminal Lawyer Attorney Blog. Well, every once in awhile, we hit the proverbial jackpot (this week, courtesy of the JournalStar.com).

This week, in Lancaster County, Nebraska, a Jury found a 19-year-old arrested for Driving Under the Influence (while wearing a Breathalyzer costume) guilty of DUI.

Matthew Nieveen, of Lincoln, gained notoriety in the days after Halloween when Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady posted his booking photo on his blog. Nieveen had been at a Halloween party before being stopped by law enforcement.An officer stopped Nieveen’s pickup early November 1st near 37th Street and Huntington Avenue and said Nieveen had “watery eyes” and “slurred speech” and smelled like alcohol. Police also found a bottle of vodka, a half-full bottle of Mountain Dew and vodka, and several cans and bottles of beer in his truck.

The officer cited Nieveen and took him to Cornhusker Place, where, a police report says, his blood-alcohol content tested more than twice the legal limit of .08 percent. The legal limit for minors is zero.

Nieveen is set for Sentencing in February.
Continue reading

December 24, 2010

CLEARWATER: Happy Holidays from the Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

As we enter another Holiday Season, the Blake & Dorsten, P.A. would like to wish you and yours a Happy and Safe Holiday weekend.With the support of all of our friends, family and clients, 2010 was another excellent year for the Blake & Dorsten, P.A.. And for that, we have much to be thankful for this Holiday Season.

To our family and friends, thank you for your patience and understanding when it was necessary to work late nights and/or weekends.

To our business colleagues and our outstanding network of fellow attorneys, thank you for not only your referrals but for the trust that you have placed in the Blake & Dorsten, P.A. to provide an experienced and aggressive representation to those that you’ve sent our way.

And to both our former and present clients, thank you for the trust that you have placed in the Blake & Dorsten, P.A. to protect your rights and to handle your important criminal and/or traffic-related matters.

As many of you know, 2010 presented some different challenges for the Blake & Dorsten, P.A.. Without your support, we would not have been able to achieve the many successes that came our way.

On behalf of the entire Blake & Dorsten, P.A. team (Pam, Eryn, Oatie and myself), have a Happy, Healthy and Safe Holiday Season.As always, attorney Nicholas J. Dorsten will be available throughout the Holiday Weekend. In fact, we were very grateful to sign up a new Client today and make a Christmas Eve trip to the Pinellas County Jail.
Continue reading

December 23, 2010

POLK COUNTY: No More Basketball for County Jail Inmates

by Blake & Dorsten, P.A.

BayNews9.com was first to break this major news: Inmates at the Polk County Jail will have to find a new way to pass the time while behind bars.Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd is taking out the jail’s basketball goals and posts and donating them to local churches.

“Going to jail is not fun and games,” Judd said. “If you want to play basketball, stay out of jail.”One of the goals will be installed at Turning Point Worship Center in Bartow in time for Christmas. Eight (8) other churches will receive basketball goals as well.

Polk County Deputies will also give out basketballs to go along with the new goals.Judd is already known for instituting bare-bones arrangements for his county jail inmates.